- Brian: God bless you.
- Larry Gigli: Thank you.
- Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say "God bless you, penis".
Justin Bartha - Brian
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“That's why these lesbians are always going out and buyin', spendin' all their dough on sexual appliances and erotic monkey wrenches and shit, tryin' to compensate for what they don't have... the penis.”
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“After all, without sex, none of us would be born. And we are all born out of a woman's cunt. It is the center of the world. And the more we can do to glorify that holy spot, the more we're doing for mankind.”
Molly Parker - Florence

“- Terry Thorne: So what are you ladies celebrating?
- Dino: Life, liberty, and the ability to purchase clitoris.”
Russell Crowe - Terry Thorne
David Caruso - Dino

“- April Mercedes: Can I ask you a personal question?
- Walt Tenor: Nine inches.”
Eva Mendes - April Mercedes
Greg Kinnear - Walt Tenor