“Your dream has come true. Mom's gone. Weak old Dad is here. You can get away with murder. You can do anything you want. Dylan's birthday party is coming up. You can get all hyped up on sugar and cake and go crazy.”

Steve Martin - Tom Baker

“Congratulations. On a scale of one to ten on the perversity meter, you just hit a seventy-three.”

Geoffrey Rush - Stephen Price

“- Peaches: I'm having a dinner party Friday night, we're short one man.
- Oscar Madison: How about Abe here, he's a short man.
- Peaches: You can run Oscar, but you can't hide! See ya.
- Oscar Madison: Oh, that's such an original expression. I hate a woman who talks like Muhammed Ali.”
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison

“- Alice: We don't even have an apartment. How can we have a dinner party?
- Charlotte: Well, its another incentive to get one.”
Chloë Sevigny - Alice
Kate Beckinsale - Charlotte

“- Phil Deedle: Why can't we have a birthday off like everyone else?
- Elton Deedle: Who's everyone else?
- Stew Deedle: Washington, Lincoln... the baby JesusDad!”
Paul William Walker IV - Phil Deedle
Eric Braeden - Elton Deedle
Steve Van Wormer - Stew Deedle