“- Mama Meley: What you want for Christmas, child?
- J.T. Gamble: A cat. I want me this cat I found.”
Theresa Merritt - Mama Meley
Kevin Hooks - J.T. Gamble

“- Theo: Those stupid siamese glass cats you get us every year for Christmas! I don't want anymore siamese glass cats!
- Dewey Cox: The siamese cat is a symbol of nobility in Ancient Egypt.
- Sam: Fuck nobility!
- Dave: Fuck Ancient Egypt!
- Theo: Fuck cats!”
Chris Parnell - Theo
John C. Reilly - Dewey Cox
Tim Meadows - Sam
Matt Besser - Dave

“- Agnes Smith: Rose, what did you get me for Christmas?
- Rose Smith: You'll find out tomorrow.
- Agnes Smith: I hope it's a hunting knife!”
Joan Carroll - Agnes Smith
Lucille Bremer - Rose Smith

“- Carol: Someone tracked down and bought all those wonderful antique toys.
- Scott Calvin: Probably someone that knows his way around eBay.”

Elizabeth Mitchell - Carol
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin

“- Maurice Doyle: Daddy, where's the carriages?
- Desmond Doyle: Santa was a bit strapped for cash this year. Costs a lot of money to feed those elves, you know.”

Hugh McDonagh - Maurice Doyle
Pierce Brosnan - Desmond Doyle