“He threw my hand to a crocodile, the beast liked it so much, it's followed me ever since, licking its lips for the rest of me.”
Jason Isaacs - Captain Hook

“With one twist, he took my hand and swallowed it whole. And I saw the look on his face. I was delicious! He must have passed the word, because it wasn't a month before another one of them took my leg!”

Craig Ferguson - Gobber

Don't anyone say "April Fool's" again or I'll rip them apart!
Amy Steel - Kit

“- Chaz: Why don't you tell us something about yourself?
- Nikki: All right, something about myself... I wanna work with handicapped children, and my parents are my best friends. And I start convent school next semester... and I fuck on the first date. April Fool's!”
Clayton Rohner - Chaz
Deborah Goodrich - Nikki

- Sandy Bates: I gotta give my one classical-music joke which I put in every single picture and I invariably cut it out.
- Daisy: Yeah?
- Sandy Bates: Um, uh... "I don't know much about classic music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg tried on their wedding night".
Woody Allen - Sandy Bates
Jessica Harper - Daisy