“I worked with David Merrick... on Broadway. I know about contracts.”
June Havoc - Helen Morell

“- Mr. Simms: Do you have any experience?
- Robbie Hart: No, sir, I have no experience but I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in.”

Kevin Nealon - Mr. Simms
Adam Sandler - Robbie Hart

“This is my first experience with burlesque. It's a surprising profession.”
Charles Dingle - Inspector Harrigan

“- Aboriginal Man: So... You actually make money by dressing up like a woman?
- Tick: Oh, sure. You can make a fine living in a pair of heels.”
Alan Dargin - Aboriginal Man
Hugo Weaving - Tick

“- Doug Remer: We win, and they get the chicks. That sucks, dude.
- Joe Cooper: I'm telling you, it's jobs. We gotta get jobs. Then we get the khakis. Then we get the chicks.”
Matt Stone - Doug Remer
Trey Parker - Joe Cooper