“These cigarettes are stale. You tell that cop and his dead kid I won't stand for stale cigarettes.”

Michael Keaton - Peter McCabe

“- F. Ross Johnson: We put enough technology in this project to send a cigarette to the moon and we come up with one that tastes like it took a dump?
- Edward A. Horrigan Jr.: We haven't even talked about the smell.
- F. Ross Johnson: Oh what did they say that was like? A fart?
- Edward A. Horrigan Jr.: Yep.”

James Garner - F. Ross Johnson
Matt Clark - Edward A. Horrigan Jr.

“- Kevin Copeland: I wanna speak to your supervisor! Better yet, I'm gonna write a letter!
- Marcus Copeland: You, are in big trouble!
- Kevin Copeland: Dear Mister Royal Hampton. I am a white woman, in America.”
Shawn Wayans - Kevin Copeland
Marlon Wayans - Marcus Copeland

- Sergeant Dillard: [Claude won't dig, and complains that it's too hot] You tell that lazy jigaboo the State of Mississippi ain't interested in his meteorological assessments!
- Hoppin' Bob: Listen up, jigaboo! State of Mississippi ain't interested in your, your, uh "metacological assessments"!
Nick Cassavetes - Sergeant Dillard
Brent Jennings - Hoppin' Bob

“- John Gustafson: You won't even know I'm here.
- Max Goldman: That's because you won't be here.”
Jack Lemmon - John Gustafson
Walter Matthau - Max Goldman