“- Marty Pascal: Buckman! There was a fingernail in my food, ya fat ass moron! Yesterday, it was a band-aid!
- Buckman: Sorry, sir. The band-aid was holding the fingernail on.”
Rob Schneider - Marty Pascal
Ken Hudson Campbell - Buckman

“- Carly: Can you help me find the bathroom?
- Scott: I think this is the bathroom.”

Emmanuelle Chriqui - Carly
Jeremy Sisto - Scott

“- Stan: There's been a P.I. at the shark pool.
- Jordan: P.I.?
- Stan: Puking incident. Some kid puked all over the shark pool. Anyway, I need you to clean it up for me right away. A.S.A.P..”
Jason Deveaux - Stan
Ben Easter - Jordan

“Sweet Lou cleans no man's poo.”
Joey Kern - Sweet Lou

“- Glenda Gardenia Parks: That's barbecue sauce.
- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: Black barbecue sauce?
- Glenda Gardenia Parks: Yes. It's mexican. Very hot. Don't eat it.
- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: I wasn't going to.”

Goldie Hawn - Glenda Parks
Charles Grodin - Ira Parks