“- Lazlo: Your wife is in a safe...
- Oz: My wife is in a safe?
- Lazlo: Place! Safe place! Let me finish the sentence.”
Kevin Pollak - Lazlo
Matthew Perry - Oz

“- Bethany: I don't mean to sound ungrateful... but what are you doing hanging around?
- Jay: We're here to pick up chicks.
- Bethany: Excuse me?
- Jay: We figure an abortion clinic is a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be there unless they like to fuck?”
Linda Fiorentino - Bethany
Jason Mewes - Jay

“- Bethany: You're not with the Fight-to-Lifer's?
- Jay: You mean those fucks with the signs and pictures of dead babies? Shit no. Me and Silent Bob are pro-choice. A woman's body is her own fucking business.”
Linda Fiorentino - Bethany
Jason Mewes - Jay

“- Bobby C.: I have a friend. He's a very good friend, and he got a girl pregnant. And I wanted to know: if you had to make a choice between getting an abortion and having to get married, what would you do?
- Stephanie: Well, who would I have to marry?
- Bobby C.: You'd have to marry me.
- Stephanie: I think I'd get an abortion.”
Barry Miller - Bobby C.
Karen Lynn Gorney - Stephanie

“- Megan: I'm pregnant.
- Tom: Congratulations.
- Megan: I thought you should know.
- Tom: You thought I should know?
- Megan: There's a chance it could be yours.
- Tom: Then get an abortion.”
Haley Bennett - Megan
Justin Theroux - Tom