“- Gny. Sgt. Hartman: Get your fat ass up there! I'll bet if there was some pussy up there you would get up there, wouldn't you?
- Pvt. Leonard 'Gomer Pyle' Lawrence: Sir, yes sir!”

R. Lee Ermey - Gny. Sgt. Hartman
Vincent D'Onofrio - Pvt. Leonard 'Gomer Pyle' Lawrence

“- Doug Remer: Your bed is over here.
[indicates a dog bed]
- Squeak Scolari: Dude, that is so fuckin' weak! How am I supposed to get a chick in that?
- Joe Cooper: Oh, don't worry, dude. You couldn't get a chick if you had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your zipper.”
Matt Stone - Doug Remer
Dian Bachar - Squeak Scolari
Trey Parker - Joe Cooper

“I had a date with a pilot last night. Couldn't get my seat back in the upright position. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? No, you wouldn't.”
Ellen Lee DeGeneres - Janet Hall

“- Hector Cyr: She tell you that we had sex together? So vigorous!
- Kelly Scott: I never had sex with you!
- Hector Cyr: I'm horrible in bed. They never remember.”
Oliver Platt - Hector Cyr
Bridget Fonda - Kelly Scott

“- Cindy: Girls have to do everything. Boys are totally clueless when it comes to sex. It starts with them trying to unhook our bras, fumbling around, and it never changes. Wait until they try to put their dick into you.
- Diana: Please don't say they need help with that.
- Cindy: Always.”
Kristen Miller - Cindy
Jessica Driscoll - Diana, Principal's Secretary