“It's not like I'm a lesbian or anything. I'm attracted to the person. It's just that all the people I've been attracted to happen to be girls.”
Jessica Campbell - Tammy Metzler

“- Doctor: Now you be careful, Earl, or else my grandson might just steal that pretty gal of yours away from you.
- Jimbo: Gramps, I ain't gonna steal Earl's gal, I'm gay.”
Larry Hovis - Doctor
Matthew Davis - Jimbo

“Chicks are for fags.”
Eric Christian Olsen - Lloyd Christmas

“- Jan: I mean, everybody thinks I'm this big dyke because... 'cause I wear baggy pants, I play softball, and... and I'm not as pretty as other girls, but that doesn't make me gay. I mean, I like guys. I can't help it. I just want a big fat wiener up my...
- Andre: Amen, sister.”
Katrina Phillips - Jan
Douglas Spain - Andre

“You treat a hot girl like dirt, and she'll stick to you like mud.”
Jason Segel - Sam Schechter