“Welton Academy, hello. Yes, he is. Just a moment. Mr. Nolan, it's for you. It's God. He says we should have girls at Welton.”

Gale Hansen - Charlie Dalton

- Judy Hensler: Wow, Beaver. You really pulled up your grade. You got a "C".
- Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: Really?
- Judy Hensler: Yeah! A "See me after class".
Brighton Hertford - Judy Hensler
Cameron Finley - Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver

“This is high school. Nothing is for real.”
Julian Morris - Owen

“- Private Drake: They ain't paying us enough for this, man.
- Corporal Dietrich: Not enough to have to wake up to your face, Drake.
- Private Drake: What? Is that a joke?
- Corporal Dietrich: Oh, I wish it were.”
Mark Rolston - Private Drake
Cynthia Dale Scott - Corporal Dietrich

“- Dexter Reed: Man, I can't believe Kurt fired me from Mondo Burger. I mean, he yelled at me, then he insulted me. He made fun of me.
- Ed: Boy, you must really suck.”
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed
Kel Mitchell - Ed