“- Recruiter: Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That's robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing.
- John: Convicted? No.
- Russell: Never convicted.”

William Lucking - Recruiter
Bill Murray - John
Harold Ramis - Russell

“Do you know what happens to a cop in prison? You are brutalised every single day over and over... you become a human toilet.”
Leland Orser - Richard Thompson

“- Peter: In the joint, did you get butt-fucked?
- John Booth: It only hurts the first time.”
David Baerwald - Peter
David Morse - John Booth

“You're all I thought about for six months! They threw me in a jail filled with rejects from the communicable disease ward. Every wacko, drippy, open-sored low-life was in that joint... all of them wanting to hire on as my proctologist!”

Michael Douglas - Jack

“I don't want to go to jail because there are robbers and rapers and rapers who rape robbers.”
Richard Pryor - Gus Gorman