“Great, fine. More for me, i got enough for the whole weekend.”

Hunter Parrish - Stan

“I'll tell you what I'm doing this weekend, I'm getting laid. It's the 1990's and nobody's getting laid. I'm the only man in America who's getting laid this weekend and I haven't been laid that much. Six girls in college, maybe seven.”
Tom Hanks - Sam Baldwin

“- George: Hey Jack, ever get a boner? You know, an erector.
- Jack Powell: Not yet, I'm hoping to get one for Christmas.”
Mario Yedidia - George
Robin Williams - Jack Powell

“- Samantha Swoboda: We better crash at your guys' place for a while in case they come after us.
- Miles Kitchen: Oh sure. 'Hi Mom, Dad. This fourteen-year-old girl, she's just sleeping over tonight. Don't mind me, I'll be upstairs, in my room, entering puberty!'. Are you nuts?”
Jessica Alba - Samantha Swaboda
Kenneth A. Brown - Miles Kitchen

- Dudley Laywicker: Mother, I have a assignation with a young lady. I am going to explore the boundaries of my manhood. Mother, I am going to get laid.
- Dudley's Mother: You're going to be late, dear?
- Dudley Laywicker: Not “late”, mother, “laid”. The past participle of the verb “to lay”. Mother, I am going to screw someone.
Stuart Pankin - Dudley Laywicker
Mina Kolb - Dudley's Mother