“- Mary Anne Meechum: Can you believedad bought me this dress? He can be so childishly sentimental sometimes. Isn't this ridiculous?
- Ben Meechum: My darling, there's an enormous booger in your nose.”

Lisa Jane Persky - Mary Anne Meechum
Michael O'Keefe - Ben Meechum

“- Miles Russell: You have much more hair in your nose than my dad.
- Buck Russell: How nice of you to notice.
- Miles Russell: I'm a kid, that's my job.”
Macaulay Culkin - Miles Russell
John Candy - Buck Russell

“- Emily Walburn: Apparently he had a little accident.
- Maj. Benson Payne: Apparently he pissed all over the front of his pants.
- Emily Walburn: Well maybe that's because he's six.
- Maj. Benson Payne: Because he's six? Woman, when I was six years old I had a full time job.”
Karyn Parsons - Emily Walburn
Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne

- Alison Bradbury: You'll never believe what I wanted to be when I was six.
- Walter "Gib" Gibson: A classics professor?
Daphne Zuniga - Alison Bradbury
John Cusack - Walter "Gib" Gibson

“- Detective Marcus Burnett: To the DEA you're nothing but a honeypot.
- Syd: What did you say?
- Detective Marcus Burnett: It's no wonder you got the job because you look good in a bathing suit.”
Martin Lawrence - Detective Marcus Burnett
Gabrielle Union - Syd