“I hate salesmen. I always have hated salesmen, I always will hate salesmen. They are the ultimate slime of the Earth. I hate being around them. I'd rather brush my teeth and drink orange juice.”
Steve Oedekerk - Thane Furrows

“- Insurance Salesman: It's not really what I'm selling. But what I have to offer.
- Thane Furrows: What do you have to offer that happens to cost money?
- Insurance Salesman: I offer security.
- Thane Furrows: Insurance.”
Fred Willard - Insurance Salesman
Steve Oedekerk - Thane Furrows

“Here's a little item I think you might go for in a big way - Dragonteeth mines. Made in the US and used successfully in Vietnam, I might add. These little honeys won't kill ya', but they're guaranteed to take a foot off. Take a couple of samples, take 'em home, see if you like'em, let me know how many you need. Okay?”

Chevy Chase - Eddie Muntz

“25% off. Everything must go. Maybe even you. ”
Katt Williams - Money Mike

“- Big Jim: I ain't never sold no damn cars before.
- Rudy: It's easy Jim. All you have to do is get them in that car. Nothing sells a car better than a car itself. Now remember this you have to get their confidence, get their friendship, get their trust. Then get their money.”
Frank McRae - Jim the Mechanic
Kurt Russell - Rudy Russo