“- DC Cop: The Feds are looking for him, too. Real nice business he's got?
- Agent Fox Mulder: What's that?
- DC Cop: Sellingnakedpictures of little kids on his computer. You looking for him for some other reason?
- Agent Fox Mulder: Yeah. I had an appointment for a pelvic examination.”

Larry Joshua - DC Cop
David Duchovny - Agent Fox Mulder

“- Val: Are you a real doctor?
- Doctor: Are you a real patient? Is that a real penis?”
Al Pacino - Val
Brandon Scott - Doctor

“- Gloria Russell: Bill, I need you to examine her.
- Bill Burton: I'm no gynecologist.
- Gloria Russell: I just made you one!
- Bill Burton: Oh, Christ...”
Judy Davis - Gloria Russell
Scott Glenn - Bill Burton

“- Dr. Seward: Count Dracula, allow me to introduce Professor Abraham Van Helsing of London University. He's a doctor of rare diseases as well as theology and philosophy.
- Professor Van Helsing: And gynaecology.
- Dr. Seward: Oh, I didn't know you had your hand in that, too.”
Harvey Korman - Dr. Seward
Mel Brooks - Abraham Van Helsing

“We need to start treating the patient as well as the disease.”
Robin Williams - Patch Adams