“- Alex: You've been spending our rent money on Filipino hookers?
- Josh: They're not hookers! They're massage therapists.”
Allen Covert - Alex
Jonathan Loughran - Josh

“- Lady in the Bank: There's something wrong, the bank won't give someone their money.
- Depositor: Well, I'm going to get mine. Come along, young man, every penny! ”

Queenie Leonard - Lady in the Bank
Doris Lloyd - Depositor

“- Madame Swempski: I don't like this innuendo.
- Groucho: That's what I always say: love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.”
Cecil Cunningham - Madame Swempski
Groucho Marx - Groucho

“- Jake: [describing April to Billy] She was a fun ride, no doubt about it, but she is a previously owned vehicle and I'm into that new car smell.
- Jessica: You asshole!
- Jessica: Whoever left these towels here is an asshole.”
Eric Christian Olsen - Jake
Rob Schneider - Jessica

“- Lloyd Christmas: Some little filly break your heart?
- Harry Dunne: No, it was a girl.”
Jim Carrey - Lloyd Christmas
Jeff Daniels - Harry Dunne