“- Ernest: This is great! This is just like that John Wayne movie when he and Sundance were in Bulgaria.
- Abner: Bolivia. They were in Bolivia. Wait a minute... they were killed in Bolivia.
- Ernest: Well, maybe they should've stayed in Bulgaria.”
Jim Varney - Ernest
Ron James - Abner

“- Old Fart Rancher: I thought about leavin' town. Had a brother in law who did. He was just about your age. He went out to California, too. You sure remind me of him.
- Keller Coleman: Yeah? I'll look him up.
- Old Fart Rancher: He died a few years back. Murdered. In prison.”
Tennessee - Old Fart Rancher
Breckin Meyer - Keller Coleman

“- Catherine Wolff: Dad hates the idea that some day he's going to die, simply can't stand it!
- Michael Shayne: Somebody must have told him the good die young.”
Marjorie Weaver - Catherine Wolff
Lloyd Nolan - Michael Shayne

“I'm too young to die.”
Quinton 'Rampage' Jackson - B.A. Baracus

“I admit to having developed a veneer of callousness, but counting the human cost is a terribly sad business, and no veneer of callousness allows me to escape the truth that back home the news brings anguish and suffering.”
Tom Selleck - Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower