“- Guy Jackson: Bud, this is Jerilee. She's Mr. Thornton's assistant.
- Bud Weston: Sure. I hope you can spell, darling.
- Jerilee Randall: D - A - R - L - I - N - G.”
Anthony Holland - Guy Jackson
Kenneth Nelson - Bud Weston
Pia Zadora - Jerilee Randall

“- Jane Goodale: Two words: Coppulatory Imperative.
- Liz: Excuse me?
- Jane Goodale: The biological urge to spread their seed. The truth is only 15% of all male animals are monogomous.”
Ashley Judd - Jane Goodale
Marisa Tomei - Liz

“- Mox: The male erection? Pitchin' a tent, sportin' a wood, the icicle if formed, the march is on…
- Miss Davis: That's good...
- Mox: Stiff, stiffie, Mr. Mortis, rigor mortis has set in, flesh rocket, Jack's magic beanstalk, tall Tommy, mushroom on a stick, Mr. Mushroomhead, purple-headed yogurt slinger... and, uh, Pedro.”

James Van Der Beek - Mox
Tonie Perensky - Miss Davis

I hate it when adults use the term "sexually active". What does it even mean? Am I gonna like deactivate some day or is it a permanent state of being?
Ellen Page - Juno MacGuff

“Cunnilingus. I've been reading that word since I was 13 and I still can't seem to wrap my tounge around it. Wait... was that a pun, or just bad taste? Wait... that may have been another pun.”
Johnathon Schaech - Adam