- Jay: Let's have a butt.
- Max: No thanks, I don't smoke.
- Ernie "Ice": They're very health conscious in Los Angeles.
- Jay: You got any cash? Hollywood?
- Max: No.
- Ernie "Ice": Gee, we don't get any smokes from you. We don't get any cash. What am I supposed to do with my afternoon?
- Max: Maybe you could learn to breathe through your nose.
Tobias Jelinek - Jay
Omri Katz - Max
Larry Bagby - Ernie 'ice'

“- Sage: You know, you have a real anger problem.
- Elle Reid: No, no, I don't. I have an asshole problem. When people are assholes, I get angry.”
Julia Garner - Sage
Lily Tomlin - Elle Reid

“- Steven M. Kovacs: You know, my brother is a speech therapist.
- The Cable Guy: Tho?”
Matthew Broderick - Steven M. Kovacs
Jim Carrey - The Cable Guy

“For one reason or another I'm more screwed up than you people are.”

Bruce Willis - Bill Capa

“Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the extreme pleasure of this surprising visit?”
Malcom McDowell - Alex (A Clockwork Orange)