“- Paulie: Hit the brakes, ugly.
- Benny: That's cute. You train the bird to insult your customers?
- Paulie: No, I could tell you're ugly all by myself.”

Jay Mohr - Paulie
Jay Mohr - Benny

“- Joshamee Gibbs: He's a mute, sir. Poor devil had his tongue cut out, so he trained the parrot to talk for him. No one's yet figured how.
- Jack Sparrow: Mr. Cotton's... parrot. Same question.
- Parrot Voice: [squawk] Wind in the sails. Wind in the sails.
- Joshamee Gibbs: Mostly, we figure, that means 'yes'.”
Kevin McNally - Joshamee Gibbs
Johnny Depp - Jack Sparrow
Christopher S. Capp - Parrot Voice

“- John Klein: I think we can assume that these entities are more advanced than us. Why don't they just come right out and tell us what's on their minds?
- Alexander Leek: You're more advanced than a cockroach, have you ever tried explaining yourself to one of them?”
Richard Tiffany Gere - John Klein
Alan Bates - Alexander Leek

“- Jake Wyler: You're inteIIigent and insightfuI. You don't get the respect you deserve.
- Malik: That's great! I've aIways wanted to discuss...
- Jake Wyler: I actually got to go. Sorry.”
Chris Evans - Jake Wyler
Deon Richmond - Malik

“- Tony Manero: Did you hear the way she talked? All intelligent like.
- Jackie: Tony, an accent doesn't make you intelligent. If it did, you'd be Einstein.”
John Travolta - Tony Manero
Cynthia Rhodes - Jackie