“I have something I think you all ought to know about. It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami, and get rid of all of us for better personnel.”

James Gammon - Lou Brown

“- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I thought you were dead.
- Billy Sparrow: That was the general idea.”
Steve Martin - Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli
William Hickey - Billy Sparrow

“- Larry Wilson: I have an idea!
- Richard Parker: What? What is it?
- Larry Wilson: Lomax told whoever he was talking to not to kill us while he's around.
- Richard Parker: Yes, but Bernie's dead. He's not around anymore.
- Larry Wilson: Yeah. I know that. You know that. Nobody else knows that.”
Andrew McCarthy - Larry Wilson
Jonathan Silverman - Richard Parker

“You hope, and you dream. But you never believe that something's gonna happen for you. Not like it does in the movies. And when it actually does, you want it to feel different, more visceral, more real.”
Leonardo DiCaprio - Richard

“I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That's getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition.”
Steve Martin - George Banks