“Look, I was a kid once. I remember being grounded a whole week and not being allowed to go to my best friend's bachelor party.”

Mark DeCarlo - Hugh Neutron

“Congratulations. On a scale of one to ten on the perversity meter, you just hit a seventy-three.”

Geoffrey Rush - Stephen Price

“- Peaches: I'm having a dinner party Friday night, we're short one man.
- Oscar Madison: How about Abe here, he's a short man.
- Peaches: You can run Oscar, but you can't hide! See ya.
- Oscar Madison: Oh, that's such an original expression. I hate a woman who talks like Muhammed Ali.”
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison

“- Alice: We don't even have an apartment. How can we have a dinner party?
- Charlotte: Well, its another incentive to get one.”
Chloë Sevigny - Alice
Kate Beckinsale - Charlotte

“- Phil Deedle: Why can't we have a birthday off like everyone else?
- Elton Deedle: Who's everyone else?
- Stew Deedle: Washington, Lincoln... the baby JesusDad!”
Paul William Walker IV - Phil Deedle
Eric Braeden - Elton Deedle
Steve Van Wormer - Stew Deedle