“Here's a tip: if you ever get the chance to travel with a Mexican rodeo... pass.”

Charlie Sheen - Zane Zaminsky

Mr. Tom, maybe is not for me to put my hands in on this, but when I first come to this country, I am alone, like Sabrina. I just weigh more. So I ask to God why I am here. I say, "Why God?" but there is no answer. So I stop crying. It takes eleven years!

Miriam Colon - Rosa

“- Jay: Am I supposed to take advice on love from a dude that chases his own ass?
- Frank the Pug: Easy, pal. That's canine profiling, and I resent it.”
Will Smith - Jay
Tim Blaney - Frank the Pug

You know that Julie chick? Loves you. You want her? Gotta play it cool, you know. You can't let her know how much you like her cause if she knows, she'll dump you like that. Believe me. Like, if she asks you if you want a ride, you say, "No, I've got my own ride, but maybe I'll see you later". Sounds stupid, doesn't it? It works.
Sasha Jenson - Don Dawson

“- A.J.: Joe, I need to ask your advice. Now, I know you know a lot about love and women and all that sort of thing.
- Joe Reaves: Oh yeah, my wife left me for another woman and my girlfriend forced me to leave at gunpoint. Does this qualify me?”
Johnny Whitworth - A.J.
Anthony LaPaglia - Joe Reaves