“- Matt Freehauf: Buddy is a married man. By all accounts, happily.
- Mavis Gary: Yeah, happily married men go to bars alone with their ex-girlfriends all the time. They call them privately and they make out with them on porches.”
Patton Oswalt - Matt Freehauf
Charlize Theron - Mavis Gary

“- John Bender: Sushi?
- Claire Standish: Rice, raw fish, and seaweed.
- John Bender: You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth, and you're going to eat that?
- Claire Standish: Can I eat?
- John Bender: I don't know. Give it a try.”
Judd Nelson - John Bender
Molly Ringwald - Claire Standish

“Kissing is gross. You just mash your food holes together. It’s not for that.”
Ted Danson - Michael

“- Dr. Louis Judd: Why would she wish to harm you?
- Alice Moore: Because I'm in love with her husband.”

Tom Conway - Dr. Louis Judd
Jane Randolph - Alice Moore

“- Sarah Hallenbeck: You were never around. You know what? Fuck you, Joe. I was lonely!
- Joe Hallenbeck: Buy a dog.”

Chelsea Field - Sarah Hallenbeck
Bruce Willis - Joe Hallenbeck