“The girl of my dreams lives under my own roof, but she thinks I'm just a kid, a dumb jock, all of which is more or less true. I'm dying, Mr. Tanneran, just like that girl in the poem... only quicker, and with a hard-on.”
Matthew Modine - Louden Swain

“- Matt Jensen: I'm in a dry spell, man.
- Dustin Knight: To be in a dry spell you've had to have been in a wet spell.
- Matt Jensen: I've had sex.
- Dustin Knight: Yeah, with a human, though.
- Matt Jensen: Who's making up all these rules, man?”
Vince Vieluf - Matt Jensen
Adam Brody - Dustin Knight

“I'm not a perfect person. I see a buck on the ground, I pick it up. Sometimes I take more than 10 items right through the express lane, and I have a temper, like my neighbor plays his music too loud. So I killed him, I cut him up and I put him in my freezer. I'm just kidding! Just breaking the tension!”
Tom Arnold - Franklin Laszlo

“- Derek Zoolander: You mean, you haven't...
- Matilda Jeffries: Done it in a while, yeh.
- Hansel: Now, what's a while? Like, eight days?”

Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
Christine Taylor - Matilda Jeffries
Owen Wilson - Hansel

“- Lori Campbell: What are you doing? I thought you were gonna quit.
- Gibb: I only smoke when I drink now.
- Kia Waterson: But you're always drinking.”
Monica Keena - Lori Campbell
Katharine Isabelle - Gibb
Kelly Rowland - Kia Waterson