“- Max Landsberger: Were losing money hand over fist.
- Jack Issel: That's not true.
- Max Landsberger: No, but it's our side of the story. Lesson No.55: there are no truths, only stories.”
Richard Masur - Max Landsberger
Judge Reinhold - Jack Issel

“- Trevor Garfield: Why do you still teach?
- Dave Childress: For the same reason as you do, for a paycheck.”
Samuel L. Jackson - Trevor Garfield
Clifton Collins Jr. - Cesar Sanchez

“- Mr. Crisp: Teach them how to play... soccer.
- Father Maurice: We don’t have the balls for that.”
James Coburn - Mr. Crisp
Barnard Hughes - Father Maurice

“It's a man's duty to instruct a woman in all subjects.”
Dennis Morgan - Wyn Strafford

“They're the wrong things that seem right at the time... but... uh... even though the right things may seem wrong sometimes, or sometimes the wrong things... may be right at the wrong time, or vice versa.”

Cliff Edwards - Jiminy Cricket