“- Reed Rothchild: Have you seen that Star Warsmovie?
- Eddie Adams: Yeah, I've seen it four times.
- Reed Rothchild: You know, people tell me I kind of look like Han Solo.”
John C. Reilly - Reed Rothchild
Mark Wahlberg - Eddie Adams

- Doug Masters: They look about 15, 16-years-old.
- Col. Charles "Chappy" Sinclair: That's right. All of them.
- Doug Masters: So I don't know why you're so upset, Chappy. What makes them different than me?
- Col. Charles "Chappy" Sinclair: Because they're dead, all of them.

Jason Gedrick - Doug Masters
Louis Gossett Jr. - Charles "Chappy" Sinclair

“- Old Fart Rancher: I thought about leavin' town. Had a brother in law who did. He was just about your age. He went out to California, too. You sure remind me of him.
- Keller Coleman: Yeah? I'll look him up.
- Old Fart Rancher: He died a few years back. Murdered. In prison.”
Tennessee - Old Fart Rancher
Breckin Meyer - Keller Coleman

“- James Whale: Am I right in assuming, Mr. Kay, that it's not me that you're interested in, but only my horrorpictures?
- Edmund Kay: No, but it's the horrormovies you'll be remembered for.
- James Whale: I'm not dead yet, Mr. Kay.”
Sir Ian McKellen - James Whale
Jack Plotnick - Edmund Kay

“- Nick Spitz: What happens in Death at the Library?
- Audrey Spitz: They died.”
Adam Sandler - Nick Spitz
Jennifer Aniston - Audrey Spitz