“The Living Dead and the dying living are all the same. Cut from the same cloth. But disposing of dead people is a public service, whereas you're in all sorts of trouble if you kill someone while they're still alive.”
Rupert Everett - Francesco Dellamorte

“Stop killing the dead. They're mine. If you don't want the dead coming back to life, why don't you just kill the living? Shoot them in the head. Are you listening to me?”

“- Tallahassee: My mama always told me someday I'd be good at something. Who'd a guessed that something'd be zombie-killing?
- Columbus: Probably nobody.”
Woody Harrelson - Tallahassee
Jesse Eisenberg - Columbus

“We are all corpses here! This rendezvous is one of the musical graveyards of the town. Caters to zombies hopping around with dead hearts and price tags for souls.”

Thomas Mitchell - Gene Gibbons

“- Geoff Montgomery: It's worse than horrible because a zombie has no will of his own. You see them sometimes walking around blindly with dead eyes, following orders, not knowing what they do, not caring.
- Larry Lawrence: You mean like Democrats?”
Richard Carlson - Geoff Montgomery
Bob Hope - Larry Lawrence