“I know all there is to know about screwing your way into a wealthy family and there's no way I'm gonna let you screw your way into mine.”

Will Patton - Lloyd Abbott

“Since when is being a slut a crime in this family?”
Sandra Bullock - Sally Owens

“- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Everybody in my family is a comedian.
- Mae Thompson: Everybody except you.”
Matt Frewer - Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.
Kristine Sutherland - Mae Thompson

“Who do you think you are, a Kennedy? You're a Bush! Act like one.”

James Cromwell - George H. W. Bush

“- Charlotte: How can you live in a town this size and not see your ex-wife all the time?
- Sully: That's easy, dolly. Peter's mom and I don't exactly travel in the same circles. As a matter of fact, Vera pretty much travels in a straight line.
- Peter: Somebody in this family had to.”
Catherine Dent - Charlotte
Paul Newman - Sully
Dylan Walsh - Peter