“I thought a great place to meet girls would be where they teach English as a second language. These girls would be from foreign lands and a little disoriented and I would look attractive because I speak English. But in the end it did not work out as I had hoped: I was told to take a hike in fourteen languages.”
Steve Schirripa - Vinnie

“You say I'm not human, but on the contrary, I understand your pain all too well. A long time ago, I lost the woman I love, and that was, in fact, the cause of my present misfortune.”

Seth MacFarlane - Johann Krauss

“- Max Conners: Turning down a wedding gift is bad luck.
- Jack Withrowe: I've never heard that before.
- Max Conners: Sure, everything to do with weddings is bad luck.”
Sigourney Weaver - Max Conners
Jason Lee - Jack Withrowe

"Bless me"? Do you know what God did for me? He threw an 18-wheeled truck at me and bounced me into nowhere for five years! When I woke up my girl was gone, my job was gone, my legs are just about useless... Blessed me? God's been a real sport to me!
Christopher Walken - Johnny Smith

“Your partner got killed. You lost your job. You went to jail. Your girlfriend walked. You got a job as a security guard at a hundred and eighty-two dollars a week. You know what you are, Hank? You're a black man.”
Martin Lawrence - Earl Montgomery