“- Big Time Willie: Do you know how to spell pussy?
- Coleman 'Booger' Sykes: I know! P-U...
- Big Time Willie: ...H-I-V.”
Roger Guenveur Smith - Big Time Willie
Hill Harper - Coleman 'Booger' Sykes

“- Doctor: Your testicles have grown to the size of Florida oranges.
- Maxxx Orbison: Don't you think I notice that? Tell me something I don't know, you cocky prick!
- Doctor: I am going to have to amputate your pee pee.”
Lloyd Kaufman - Doctor
Michael Dean Jacobs - Maxxx Orbison

“- Sarah Marshall: When were you planning on telling me this?
- Aldous Snow: I just told you, then.
- Sarah Marshall: Yeah. No, I know. But telling me now isn't really the same as telling me.
- Aldous Snow: Well, look, you know, I've not told you I've got genital herpes, because it's not inflamed at the moment.”
Kristen Bell - Sarah Marshall
Russell Brand - Aldous Snow

“Price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. I repeat: price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. That's Vagiclean. We've got a customer down here with a full-on fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think it's sourdough.”

Jim Carrey - Hank

“- Fred Haise: It hurts when I urinate.
- Jim Lovell: Well, you're not getting enough water.
- Fred Haise: No, I'm drinkin' my rations, same as you... I think old Swigert gave me the clap. Been pissin' in my relief tube.
- Jim Lovell: Well, that'd be a hot one at the debriefing for the flight surgeons... Another first for America's spacemen.”
Bill Paxton - Fred Haise
Tom Hanks - Jim Lovell