“- Commissioner Brumford: Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to introduce a most special American. Tonight, he is being honoured for his 1000th drug-dealer killed.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Thank you. But, in all honesty, the last three I backed over with my car. Luckily, they turned out to be drug-dealers.”
Jacqueline Brookes - Commissioner Brumford
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Border Guard: So, how long you've been in Mexico?
- Pedro: A week. I mean a day.
- Border Guard: Well, which is it? A week or a day?
- Pedro: A weekday.”
Roy Stocking - The Hoods: Border Guard
Cheech Marin - Pedro De Pacas

“- Arresting Officer: [to Man] Sir, what's your name?
- Pedro: Whut? I told you my name, man!
- Arresting Officer: [to Man] Sir... what's your name?
- Pedro: [to Man] Hey man! The dude wants to know your name, man!
- Pedro: [Man vomits onto the floor of the car] Uuhhh - His name is Raalllph, man!”
Arthur Roberts - Arresting Officer
Cheech Marin - Pedro De Pacas

“To be truly effective, a good narcotics agent must know and love narcotics. In fact, a good narcotics agent should have narcotics in his blood.”
Denzel Washington - Alonzo

“- Alonzo: Why do you wanna be a narc?
- Jake: I want to protect the streets by ridding it of dangerous drugs.
- Alonzo: Yeah, but why do you wanna be a narc?
- Jake: I wanna make detective.”
Denzel Washington - Alonzo
Ethan Hawke - Jake