“- Stanley's Neighbor: Hey Stanley, I haven't seen you much this weekend. What have you been doing?
- Stanley Stupid: Oh you know, had breakfast, read the paper, saved the world.”
Robert Wise - Stanley's Neighbor
Tom Arnold - Stanley Stupid

“Great, fine. More for me, i got enough for the whole weekend.”

Hunter Parrish - Stan

“- Snookie: I'm free Saturday night.
- Chenille: Why, is your hand busy?”
Vince Green - Snookie
Kerry Washington - Chenille

“I'll tell you what I'm doing this weekend, I'm getting laid. It's the 1990's and nobody's getting laid. I'm the only man in America who's getting laid this weekend and I haven't been laid that much. Six girls in college, maybe seven.”
Tom Hanks - Sam Baldwin

“- Joe Scheffer: Did you have fun?
- Natalie Scheffer: Weekend from hell. They took me to another silly-ass hippie restaurant. With thee most absurd one-man play ever produced!”
Tim Allen - Joe Scheffer
Hayden Panettiere - Natalie Scheffer