“Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.”
Miranda Edwards - Michigan Girl

“- José Jalapeño: Purple bastard.
- Peanut: Mexican condiment.
- Jeff Dunham: A condiment?
- José Jalapeño: I do not use them.
- Peanut: You don't?
- José Jalapeño: And neither did your mother.”

Jeff Dunham - José Jalapeño
Jeff Dunham - Peanut
Jeff Dunham - Himself

“- Reuben Goetz: Nico! Uh, W-we got prawn tempura, seaweed salad... you want to join us?
- Nicoletti: You kiss your mother after you eat that stuff?
- Reuben Goetz: No. I can kiss you if you like.
- Nicoletti: Go fuck yourself, Reuben.”
Dermot Mulroney - Reuben Goetz
Will Patton - Nicoletti

“I was married. My husband cheated on me left and right. One day he tells me it's my fault he saw other women. So I picked up a knife, and told him it was his fault I was stabbing him.”
Queen Latifah - Liz Bailey

“First rule of leadership: Everything is your fault.”
Kevin Spacey - Hopper