“- Gramps: Should have poked her in the whiskers while you had the chance. I met this hot young bitch at the world's fair back in 1940. Every moment with her was like a slice of heaven.
- Peter: Ahh, I bet you really miss grandma.
- Gramps: Aww fuck grandma! It's Pearl I'm talking about... fucking grandma.”
Richard Denni - Gramps
Thomas Jane - Peter Donahue

“- Bill: So Edward, did you have a productive day?
- Edward: Mrs Monroe showed me where the salon's going to be.
- Edward: [turns to Peg] You could have a cosmetics counter.
- Peg Boggs: Oh, wouldn't that be great!
- Bill: Great.
- Edward: And then she showed me the back room where she took all of her clothes off.”
Alan Arkin - Bill
Johnny Depp - Edward Scissorhands
Dianne Wiest - Peg

“Ooooh check out the sweet buns on that guy! I'd like to get my hands on those ... ... aand wish they were womens' breasts. I'd squeeze the hell out of 'em. Maybe put a steak on 'em. Cause I'm a Guy. And that's what Guys like me like to do!”

Rob Schneider - Jessica

“Minimumwage for a maximum loser!”
Alexandra Holden - Lulu

- Billy: She's the only girl that makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. When I'm not with her... I'm not living. I'm only existing until I can hold her in my arms again.
- Jessica: [sighs]
- Jake: "Gay, gay, gay, gay."
Matthew Lawrence - Billy
Rob Schneider - Jessica
Eric Christian Olsen - Jake