“My parole officer wants to give me a drug test and I need your urine, can I score some of your piss?”
Jack Black - Lance Brumder

“- Ernesto Escobedo: Someone has been talking to the drug police.
- Felix Cortez: Now that's impossible. If anyone spoke to the police, I would be the first to know.”

Miguel Sandoval - Ernesto Escobedo
Joaquim de Almeida - Felix Cortez

“- James Lennox: I'm a drug dealer.
- Neil Bucyk: I bury dead people.
- Eddie Strombeck: I have a single digit sperm count.
- Chris Cutter: And I'm a naked cheater. I say we go for it. Are you with me? Let's do it.”

Peter Outerbridge - James Lennox
James Allodi - Neil Bucyk
Jed Rees - Eddie Strombeck
Paul Gross - Chris Cutter

“When I was a sportswoman on the East German Olympic Track and Field team, they dispensed anabolic steroids as freely as here in America they dole out Gator-Ade.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Dr. Alex Hesse

“I have never tested positive for performance enhancing drugs.”

Ben Foster - Lance Armstrong