“- Dallas: Don't slap the baby.
- Doc Holliday: Okay... why would I slap the baby?
- Dallas: I don't know, but most doctors do. It's a custom I'm not in favor of. Nobody comes into this world looking for a fight. You go get 'em!”
Elizabeth Ashley - Dallas
Willie Nelson - Doc Holliday

“- Gus: I swear to God, you hit that kid one more time and I will stick that pig's head right up your ass!
- Connie: Gary, are you gonna let him talk to me like that?
- Gary Chasseur: Well, he is a doctor.”
Denis Colin Leary - Gus
Christine Baranski - Connie

“- Egbert Sousé: Hello, Doc. How are ya? How's business?
- Dr. Stall: Fair, fair. I don't suppose we'll ever get another whooping cough epidemic again.”
W.C. Fields - Egbert Sousé
Harlan Briggs - Dr. Stall

“- Peter Kirk: Are there many lady doctors?
- Helen Hunt: A few.
- Peter Kirk: As beautiful as you?
- Helen Hunt: No doubt.
- Peter Kirk: The time I've wasted being well.”
Henry Fonda - Peter Kirk
Barbara Stanwyck - Helen Hunt

“- Dr. Einstein: I cannot operate without a drink!
- Jonathan Brewster: Pull yourself together, doctor!
- Dr. Einstein: I cannot pull myself together without a drink!”
Peter Lorre - Dr. Einstein
Raymond Massey - Jonathan Brewster