“- Mort: She's cute how could I meet her?
- Eli: By getting into an actual conversation with her, not by having an objective of trying to hit on her or pick her up, but just go around, behave nicely, talk to her, show an interest in her, if you genuinely have one, and behave normally.”
Martin Harvey Friedberg - Mort
Michael Emil - Eli

“- President Andrew Shepherd: I want to buy her some flowers. That's what men do when they break a date.
- Robin McCall: That's not what men do. I know no men who do that.”
Michael Douglas - President Andrew Shepherd
Anna Deavere Smith - Robin McCall

“There's only one world, the real world, and in that world if a man takes a woman out on a friday night in her hooker heels and she can't bring her homegirl, he tryin' to get some booty.”
Joy Bryant - Gina

“He left like a man on a mission, a man on a mission with hot wet balls.”

Luke Wilson - Alex Sheldon

“I've dated enough narcissistically neurotic men to know that you are all just a pack of roving babies in search of a giant teat from which to suck the lifeblood out of me until I am a hollow shell.”
Janeane Garofalo - Ellie