“- Edward D. Wood, Jr.: The story opens on these mysterious explosions. Nobody knows what's causing them, but it's upsetting all the buffalo. So, the military are called in to solve the mystery.
- Editor on Studio Lot: You forgot the octopus.
- Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No, no, I'm saving that for my big underwater climax.”
Johnny Depp - Ed Wood
Patrick Cranshaw - Editor on Studio Lot

“- Roy O'Bannon: So who are you?
- Chon Wang: I'm an Imperial Guard to the Emperor of China.
- Roy O'Bannon: China... what's with the book?
- Chon Wang: The book belongs to Princess Pei Pei. She was kidnapped from the Forbidden City.
- Roy O'Bannon: I like that, Forbidden City, a princess, kidnapped! It's so mysterious.”
Owen Wilson - Roy O'Bannon
Jackie Chan - Chon Wang

“Eli was stalking you? That is so romantic.”
Sasha Alexander - Jackie Samantha Gold

“- Clementine Kruczynski: You're not a stalker, or anything, right?
- Joel Barish: I'm not a stalker. You're the one that talked to me, remember?
- Clementine Kruczynski: That is the oldest trick in the stalker book.”
Kate Winslet - Clementine Kruczynski
Jim Carrey - Joel Barish

“- Elizabeth Carlson: What do you want from me?
- Daniel Jelline: Everything. What do you want from me?
- Elizabeth Carlson: What do I want from you? I didn't break into your apartment, I didn't follow you all over New York.”
Nastassja Kinski - Elizabeth Carlson
Rudolf Chametovič Nureyev - Daniel Jelline