“- Emory Leeson: Take me away from here. I’ll buy you dinner, I'll buy you a restaurant!
- Stephen Bachman: I have to go.
- Emory Leeson: You did quite a bit of silent farting in the car, so you're not perfect either.”
Dudley Moore - Emory Leeson
Paul Reiser - Stephen Bachman

“- Retired Doctor: How'd you say this happened?
- Jon: My father accidentally put the car in the wrong gear and then he accidentally got his foot stuck on the accelerator.”

Mal Jones - Retired Doctor
Tom Selleck - Jon Aldrich

“- Fred Ritter: You just fall off the bananaboat, or what?
- Ben Jahveri: I do not travel with bananas, sir!”
Michael McKean - Fred Ritter
Fisher Stevens - Ben Jahveri

“Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir.”
George C. Scott - Gen. 'Buck' Turgidson

“- Ellen Griswold: I think I broke my nose.
- Rusty Griswold: I stabbed my brain.
- Audrey Griswold: I just got my period.”

Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Anthony Michael Hall - Rusty Griswold
Dana Barron - Audrey Griswold