“- Hank: You had enough? You've learned your lesson about jumping rope in the street and using dirty language?
- Jump Rope Girl: I'm gonna tell my daddy on you, Charlie!
- Hank: Wrong answer! And the name's Hank, fuckface. Learn it!”

Jim Carrey - Hank
Heather Hodder - Jump Rope Girl

“- President Garcia-Thompson: You passed out cigarettes for a smoke-a-thon on Earth Day. You installed speed bumps on the handicapped ramps and, most recently, you dumped 100 pounds of... meat on a peaceful vegan protest!
- James 'Droz' Andrews: Oh, come on! That was way more than 100 pounds.”
Jessica Walter - President Garcia-Thompson
Jeremy Piven - James 'Droz' Andrews

“- Colonel William Sharp: Get off... the nuclear... warhead.
- Rockhound: I was doing that guy from that movie, you know, Slim Pickens, where he rides it all the way in, the nuclear warhead.
- Colonel William Sharp: Now.
- Rockhound: Oh, you didn't see that one, huh?”

William Fichtner - Colonel Willie Sharp
Steve Buscemi - Rockhound

“You know what your problem is? You are so goddamn bored, you have to invent things to bitch about! You don't have a single thing to do on this Earth except for your hair! The closet was fine, you just needed something to fill up your useless, nail-polishing, toe-polishing, rich bitch, sun-tanning days!”

Kurt Russell - Dean Proffitt

“- Captain Diel: Two officers were shot, one man lost a pinkie.
- Carter: But didn't nobody die!
- Captain Diel: You destroyed half a city block!
- Carter: That block was already messed up.
- Captain Diel: And you lost a lot of evidence!
- Carter: We still got a little bit left.”
Philip Baker Hall - Captain Diel
Chris Tucker - Carter