“- Mr. Grover: If you're a detective, I'm a monkey's uncle.
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Keep your family out of this!”
Douglass Dumbrille - Mr. Grover
Groucho Marx - Wolf J. Flywheel

“- Chet: And by the way, don't try to steal any of our stuff on your way out!
- Kate: Stuff? What stuff is there to steal?
- Connie: Oh, we got stuff!
- Kate: You're a louse!
- Connie: Well, why don't you go find yourself a spin cycle!
- Chet: Yeah, go find yourself a spin cycle! [turning to Connie] What the hell does that mean?”

John Candy - Chet Ripley
Annette Bening - Kate Craig
Stephanie Faracy - Connie Ripley

“You wouldn't know a good time if it fell out of the sky and landed on your face and started to wiggle!”
Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig

“- Willy Wonka: You can't run a chocolate factory with a family hanging over you like an old, dead goose. No offense.
- Grandpa George: None taken. Jerk.”
Johnny Depp - Willy Wonka
David Kelly - Grandpa Joe

- Max: This lump over here... This is Kincaid. Now I want you to take a good look. See, he gets himself thrown in the quite room so often that you probably won't see a whole lot of him. Ain't that right, "Cool Breeze"?
- Kincaid: Right. I do it so I don't have to look at your ugly face all the time.
- Max: I love you too.
Laurence Fishburne - Max
Ken Sagoes - Kincaid