“Your dream has come true. Mom's gone. Weak old Dad is here. You can get away with murder. You can do anything you want. Dylan's birthday party is coming up. You can get all hyped up on sugar and cake and go crazy.”

Steve Martin - Tom Baker

“What I want to do and what I do are two separate things. If we all went around doing what we wanted all the time, there'd be chaos.”
Ian Michael Smith - Simon Birch

“My doctor totally messes up my nose job. I ask him to make me looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, I get off the surgery table looking life freakin' Shrek.”
Shawn Wayans - Kevin Copeland

- Dr. Kersten: Funky, buttloving!
- George: Did he say "funky buttloving?"
Ross Lehman - Dr. Kersten
Patrick LaBrecque - George

“- Eugene G. Roe: You're a good nurse.
- Renee Lemaire: No. I never want to treat another wounded man again. I'd rather work in a butcher's shop.”
Shane Taylor - Eugene G. Roe
Lucie Jeanne - Renee Lemaire