“- Robert Clayton Dean: What the hell is happening?
- Brill: I blew up the building.
- Robert Clayton Dean: Why?
- Brill: Because you made a phone call.”
Will Smith - Robert Clayton Dean
Gabriel Byrne - Brill

“- Andre: Master! You're worried. What is wrong?
- Thibault: The wizard... he exploded.”
Christian Clavier - Andre
Jean Reno - Thibault

“- Francisco Flores: I want to use a bomb.
- Helena Ayala: Are you kidding? Can't you just shoot him or something?
- Francisco Flores: I don't really like guns. You shoot someone in the head three times and some pinche doctor will keep them alive.”
Clifton Collins Jr. - Francisco Flores
Catherine Zeta-Jones - Helena Ayala

“According to the odds and gods, you only get to make one mistake with this. When you walk around the edge of the crater, if they find a finger or toe, well that's what they bury.”

Dwight Yoakam - Brentwood Glasscock

“That's what happens when you leave a potato in the microwave!”

Kevin Murphy - Tom Servo