“- Harry Blackitt: [referring to Catholics] Every time they have sexualintercourse, they have to have a baby.
- Mrs. Blackitt: But it's the same with us, Harry.
- Harry Blackitt: What do you mean?
- Mrs. Blackitt: Well, I mean, we've got two children, and we've had sexualintercourse twice.”
Graham Arthur Chapman - Harry Blackitt
Eric Idle - Mrs. Blackitt

“- 'Mack' McGivern: If I don't get total tit tonight, I will be using this razor to cut my throat. As I see it, sex is my only reason for living.
- Charlie Dillon: Then be careful you don't cut your hand.”
Andrew Lowery - Mack' McGivern
Matt Damon - Charlie Dillon

“I know what you can't say. You wanna get laid. You wanna hump your brains out.”
Maureen Stapleton - Ma Kelly

“She wants to fuck me! She wants my dick in or around her mouth!”
Jonah Hill - Seth

“- Howie Rottman: I'd like to dip you in Cheez Whiz and spread you all over a cracker, if I'm not being too subtle.
- Charlene Morton: Boy, you some kinda freaky!
- Howie Rottman: Oh, you have no idea. You got me straight trippin', boo!”
Eugene Levy - Howie Rottman
Queen Latifah - Charlene Morton