“- Bearded Lady: Hey, baby. You ever had a chick with a beard before?
- Mitch Weaver: Can't say that I have there, bearded broad.
- Bearded Lady: Well, then, sugar, you haven't lived.
- Mitch Weaver: Note to self: I don't want to live.”
Rebecca Romijn - Bearded Lady
Norm MacDonald - Mitch Weaver

“- Evan Baxter: I can't shave. Whenever I shave it just grows back!
- Marty: That's what happens when you shave. But then you shave again!”

Steve Carrell - Evan Baxter
John Michael Higgins - Marty

“Get rid of the beard. You look like a goddamn terrorist.”

Danny Aiello - Joe Bella

“How'd you like a little trim on that moustache, Ron?”

Michael Keaton - Jack

“- Mr. Teavee: Who wants a beard?
- Willy Wonka: Well, beatniks for one, folk singers, and motorbike riders. Y'know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats.”

Adam Godley - Mr. Teavee
Johnny Depp - Willy Wonka