“- Buck Laughlin: Tell me, do you know the difference between a rectal thermometer and a tongue depressor?
- Leslie's Nurse: Uh, no.
- Buck Laughlin: Remind me never to come to you for a physical!”
Fred Willard - Buck Laughlin
Jay-Lyn Green - Leslie's Nurse

“- Rat: How many languages do you speak?
- Zimsky: Five, actually.
- Rat: I speak one... One Zero One Zero Zero. With that I could steal your money, your secrets, your sexual fantasies, your whole life. Any country, any place, any time I want. We multitask like you breathe. I couldn't think as slow as you if I tried.”
DJ Qualls - Rat
Stanley Tucci - Zimsky

- Dirk Pitt: I'm sorry, I don't speak English.
- Gunboat 1 Officer: You are speaking English right now.
- Dirk Pitt: No, I only know how to say, "I don't speak English" in English.

Matthew McConaughey - Dirk Pitt
Nicholas Beveney - Gunboat 1 Officer

“Come back with me to the States. Your English is good. You're studying to be a teacher. I've taught you all the best dirty words. You can tutor French and live with me.”
Miles Chapin - Joel

“A different language is a different vision of life.”
Federico Fellini