“- Scott Calvin: Yeah, well, look at my hair. It's turning grey.
- Dr. Novos: Oh, it's middle age, buddy. It happens. And with that body, you should be thankful you have hair. Look, if it bothers you, you can dye it - and you should diet!”
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin
Steve Vinovich - Dr. Novos

“- Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
- Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' lose my mind!”
Jay Baruchel - Jay
Jonah Hill - Jonah

“I had no idea things were so hairy in Bosnia.”

Matthew Perry - Oscar Novak

“- Tracy: Do you think she's had work?
- Sally: Why would she have had work? She still looks gorgeous.
- Tracy: Well, that's when they're having it now, before it all turns to shit.”
Kate Burton - Tracy
Margaret Colin - Sally

“You know in 15 years, you're going to be playing soccer with your tits. What do you think of that?”
Marlon Brando - Paul