“- Justine Last: Gwen says smoking marijuana lowers your sperm.
- Phil Last: Lowers it to where?
- Justine Last: Maybe you're the infertile one around here. Maybe every time you smoke a little doobie, you're killing our unborn children.”
Jennifer Aniston - Justine Last
John C. Reilly - Phil Last

“I'm a big, bad, bong-banging bible basher!”
Rhys Ifans - Jeremy Lewis

“- Amber: Who is this?
- Andre: I am Andre le Pate. I have big balls! And my ass breathes fire!”
Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Amber
Christian Clavier - Andre

“- Osmosis Jones: What the heck is a uvula?
- Drix: It's that little dangly hing that hangs down in Frank's...
- Osmosis Jones: Boxer shorts! Okay, here we go!
- Drix: Not that little dangly thing! The one in his throat!”
Chris Rock - Osmosis Jones
David Hyde Pierce - Drix

“- Helen Gordon: You're making a noise.
- Harold Anderson: That's my penis. It hums.
- Helen Gordon: I guess it doesn't know the words. Well, I can teach it a few.”
Linda Fiorentino - Helen Gordon
Garry Shandling - Harold Anderson